Demisexuality and Mental Health: Common Misconceptions and Realities

Demisexuality and Mental Health: Common Misconceptions and Realities

Why Demisexuality Is Still Misunderstood in Mainstream Narratives

In a world that often defines attraction by instant spark, demisexuality sits quietly on the margins, rarely acknowledged and frequently misunderstood. While society celebrates physical chemistry, fast love, and dating shows that glorify instant gratification, demisexual individuals find themselves out of sync with the dominant narrative. This silence around demisexuality breeds confusion—not just in the public eye, but within individuals who may be trying to understand themselves.

Mainstream conversations around sexual identity typically focus on well-known orientations such as heterosexuality, homosexuality, or bisexuality. Anything outside this narrow bandwidth tends to be dismissed as a phase, a personality quirk, or worse, something to be corrected. This is especially true in Indian settings, where traditional values are deeply rooted, and any deviation from the 'norm' is often viewed with suspicion.

Many people wrongly equate demisexuality with celibacy or a lack of libido. But demisexual individuals do experience sexual attraction—just not in the conventional way. For them, emotional closeness is the foundation for physical desire. Without that emotional trust and bond, they may not feel attraction at all. And in a culture where movies, songs, and advertisements consistently promote instant infatuation, that kind of connection-driven attraction can be hard for others to comprehend.

In day-to-day life, this leads to comments like, “Are you just being picky?” or “Maybe you haven’t met the right person yet.” Statements like these, though often well-meaning, are harmful. They reduce a valid identity to a temporary inconvenience and place unnecessary pressure on individuals to conform.

Being demisexual also means navigating a society that pushes you to explain yourself repeatedly. Whether it’s on dating apps that reward instant connections or in conversations with friends who don’t understand why you’re not attracted to someone “hot,” demisexual individuals often feel left out or judged.

This misunderstanding becomes more complex in familial and cultural spaces. In many Indian households, discussions about attraction or orientation are rare to begin with. When someone says they don’t feel attracted to someone until they know them deeply, they’re often met with confused silence or, worse, judgmental remarks. Some families might assume it’s a trauma issue, a result of strict upbringing, or even “just a phase.”

But it’s none of those. It’s simply the way some people are wired.

And until society learns to accept the diversity of attraction, demisexuality will continue to be placed under a lens of skepticism—leaving individuals who identify this way to carry an unnecessary burden of proof.

The Psychological Toll of Being Misunderstood

It’s not just about misunderstanding—it’s about the emotional weight that misunderstanding brings. When your experiences are constantly questioned, minimized, or misrepresented, the result is often a deep sense of isolation. For demisexual individuals, this experience is far too common.

Imagine being told repeatedly that your way of feeling attraction is “not normal.” Or that you’re “just scared of intimacy.” Over time, these messages seep in, eroding confidence and clarity. Many demisexual people—especially teens and young adults—go through long periods of self-doubt, wondering if something is wrong with them.

These doubts often manifest as anxiety or low mood. When the world doesn’t reflect your experience, it becomes harder to trust your own feelings. You start questioning your timing in relationships. You start doubting if you’ll ever find someone who will understand. And you may even push yourself into uncomfortable situations just to feel accepted.

This is particularly true in settings where emotional validation is limited. In a culture where marriage is often arranged or expected by a certain age, the pressure can become overwhelming. Family members may label someone as “too choosy” or “emotionally distant,” not realizing that the person simply doesn’t connect on the same timeline as others.

Take Rhea’s experience. A 28-year-old graphic designer in Bengaluru, Rhea grew up believing that something was wrong with her. “All my friends had crushes in school, but I didn’t. I thought I was broken,” she shared. “It wasn’t until I read about demisexuality that I finally found a word for how I felt.” But even then, opening up about it was hard. Her family brushed it off. Her friends didn’t understand. It took months of therapy before Rhea began to rebuild her confidence and feel comfortable in her own identity.

These mental health struggles are not due to demisexuality itself—but rather the societal pressure to be something else.

There’s also the burden of invisibility. When your orientation isn’t openly represented in films, shows, or public discussions, you’re forced to do the emotional labor of explaining it again and again. That constant act of educating others can be mentally exhausting. It’s not just coming out—it’s defending your very sense of self.

And yet, many suffer in silence. They fear being mocked, misunderstood, or dismissed. Some try to change themselves, thinking they can “grow out of it.” Others avoid dating altogether to escape the pressure.

The psychological toll of being misunderstood isn’t always dramatic. It can be subtle: a persistent feeling of not belonging, an undercurrent of shame, or a quiet loneliness that builds over time. But it’s real. And if not addressed, it can erode self-worth, strain relationships, and even lead to depressive symptoms.

What helps is affirmation—not just from professionals, but from friends, partners, and families. When someone is heard and validated, the healing begins. When society stops asking people to justify their identity and starts respecting it, the pressure lifts.

That’s why it’s important we speak up, not just for those who are demisexual—but for a future where no one has to question whether they’re “normal” simply because they connect differently.

Myth: Demisexuality Is Just Fear of Sex or Trauma Response

One of the most persistent misconceptions about demisexuality is that it’s simply a response to fear—fear of intimacy, fear of sex, or unresolved trauma. This myth is not only incorrect but deeply harmful.

Let’s be clear: Demisexuality is not a result of something going wrong. It’s a way of experiencing attraction that is inherently different from the majority, but no less valid. Many demisexual individuals are perfectly comfortable with the idea of sex. They just don’t experience sexual attraction until they’ve formed a deep emotional bond with someone. That emotional connection isn’t a shield—it’s the starting point for intimacy.

Unfortunately, because demisexuality doesn’t fit neatly into common narratives about desire and attraction, people try to make sense of it using what they already know. For example, if someone is hesitant about intimacy, others might assume they’ve been hurt in the past or are avoiding closeness due to psychological distress. While it’s true that trauma can affect how a person approaches intimacy, it’s not the same as demisexuality.

Here’s the crucial difference: trauma changes someone’s experience of relationships, while demisexuality defines how someone naturally experiences attraction. The former might be a response to pain. The latter is an orientation.

These assumptions become particularly damaging when they come from therapists, family members, or partners. Imagine opening up about your identity, only to be told, “Maybe you just have trust issues” or “You need to work through your past.” These comments may come from a place of concern, but they invalidate a person’s core identity.

People are complex. Some demisexual individuals may also have experienced trauma. But assuming that one causes the other is like saying all gay people had bad experiences with the opposite sex. It’s reductive, and it ignores the wide spectrum of human experiences.

Demisexuality doesn’t need to be “fixed” or explained away. It needs to be understood.

For Indian users in particular, this myth often gets tangled with ideas about modesty, religious discipline, or “proper behavior.” If someone is slower to engage in physical relationships, it’s often seen as traditional rather than being viewed through the lens of orientation. And if someone doesn’t conform to the expected timeline, they're assumed to be emotionally immature or repressed.

The truth is much simpler: demisexuality is just another way humans are wired. No fear. No dysfunction. Just a difference.

The Struggle in Romantic Relationships

Demisexuality brings with it a unique rhythm—one that doesn’t always align with how romantic relationships are initiated or maintained in our fast-paced world. And that mismatch can create a quiet, but intense, emotional struggle.

In many romantic settings, especially early dating, there’s a silent expectation: that physical attraction should happen quickly, and intimacy should follow shortly after. But for demisexual individuals, attraction isn’t instant—it builds slowly. They might enjoy someone’s company, admire their values, and still feel no desire for physical closeness unless a strong emotional connection develops over time.

This slower pace is often misread. A demisexual person might be labeled as “friend-zoning” someone or “leading them on,” when in fact, they are still trying to gauge whether a deeper emotional bond exists. In truth, they’re not withholding attraction—they simply haven’t reached the point where it naturally arises.

This misunderstanding leads to several emotional hurdles.

Some demisexual individuals might push themselves to engage in intimacy too early, just to meet their partner’s expectations or to avoid being perceived as cold. This can result in discomfort, emotional disconnection, and even guilt. Others might withdraw from dating entirely, fearing judgment or the pressure to perform emotionally before they’re ready.

Let’s consider the story of Dev, a 29-year-old from Pune. Dev shared that in almost every relationship, he felt rushed. “It wasn’t that I didn’t like them,” he explained. “I just wasn’t there yet. I needed more time, but no one ever waited.” Over time, this led to a sense of emotional fatigue. “I began to wonder if love was even meant for someone like me.”

Therapy helped Dev understand that his pace wasn’t wrong—it was just different. With the right partner and tools to communicate clearly, relationships stopped feeling like battles and started feeling safe again.

Communication, in fact, is the bridge here. When demisexual individuals feel confident explaining their orientation, and their partners are open to understanding, relationships thrive. It’s not about slowing things down for the sake of it—it’s about moving at a pace where emotional and physical intimacy align naturally.

However, many people—especially in India—don’t have the language or support to express these feelings clearly. Culturally, there’s still a belief that physical intimacy is either a duty (in marriage) or a taboo (outside it). These extremes leave little room for nuanced conversations about timing, comfort, and emotional connection.

But change is happening. As more people start embracing emotional compatibility as a foundation, rather than a bonus, space is being made for different types of relationships to flourish. And in that space, demisexual individuals are finding room to breathe.

For romantic relationships to be healthy, both partners must feel seen, understood, and safe. When demisexual individuals are accepted for who they are—not pressured to conform or pushed to accelerate—their relationships are often incredibly deep and emotionally rich.

Navigating Indian Culture as a Demisexual Person

To live as a demisexual in India is often to live between lines—between silence and stereotypes, between tradition and personal truth. Unlike Western countries where the LGBTQIA+ conversation has found louder voices, India still grapples with the vocabulary of non-mainstream sexualities. Words like “demisexual” are rarely heard outside urban circles, and even within those, the understanding remains shallow.

This cultural landscape makes coming out—or even just understanding oneself—a complex journey.

For instance, Indian families tend to view sexual attraction through the lens of duty and structure. You're expected to get married, often by a certain age, and the assumption is that sexual intimacy will simply fall into place afterward. Love, desire, and timing are not widely discussed topics. So when someone doesn’t conform to that pattern—when they don't feel attraction immediately or don't show romantic interest early on—they're labeled as disinterested, immature, or “too choosy.”

This pressure isn’t always harsh. It often comes with concern. Parents may worry about your “future,” relatives may offer unsolicited matchmaking, and friends may nudge you toward settling down. These actions, though rooted in love, ignore the silent reality that not everyone feels attraction in the same way.

For demisexual individuals, this often leads to masking. They may pretend to show interest, agree to dates they’re not emotionally ready for, or keep quiet about their discomfort just to avoid being questioned. Over time, this emotional dissonance builds stress—and can severely affect mental well-being.

There’s also the religious and moral layer. Some demisexual individuals are assumed to be “pure” or “virtuous” because they are slow to engage in sexual relationships. While this might seem like praise, it’s actually another form of erasure. It misinterprets orientation as discipline, once again ignoring the actual identity behind the behavior.

But things are changing. Slowly.

Social media platforms and urban queer collectives are offering spaces where young people can ask questions without fear. Indian therapists—especially younger, LGBTQIA+ affirmative ones—are becoming more familiar with identities like demisexuality. These pockets of understanding are small but growing.

Take Shruti’s story. A 24-year-old student from Lucknow, she came across the word “demisexual” in a thread on Instagram. “It was like someone had put my entire experience into one word,” she said. But even then, she didn’t know how to explain it to her family. “I still haven’t told them. But I have a few friends who get it. That helps a lot.”

For many Indian demisexual individuals, the path forward is not about rebellion—it’s about quiet self-acceptance. It’s about carving out personal space in a culture that doesn't yet have language for what they feel. And that, in itself, is an act of courage.

Intersectionality: More Than Just One Label

Understanding demisexuality is important. But stopping there is not enough. Because for many individuals, demisexuality is just one part of a much bigger identity mosaic. And that mosaic can influence mental health in significant ways.

Take this example: A demisexual person who is also autistic may face overlapping challenges. They might already struggle with interpreting social cues, navigating emotional language, or handling sensory overwhelm. When you add demisexuality to that picture—a need for deep connection before attraction—the experience becomes even more layered.

Or consider someone who is non-binary and demisexual. They may face misunderstandings not only about how they identify in terms of gender, but also how they experience attraction. These dual misconceptions can multiply the emotional burden and reduce access to affirming care.

This is what we call intersectionality. It’s the idea that multiple aspects of a person’s identity—gender, sexuality, neurodivergence, caste, religion, even physical ability—can interact in ways that shape their life experiences, especially when it comes to discrimination or exclusion.

In India, this intersectionality is often invisible in public discourse. Mental health discussions rarely account for overlapping identities. Many therapy models are still geared toward heterosexual, cisgender individuals from urban upper-class backgrounds. So when a demisexual person who is also Dalit, or disabled, or queer in multiple ways, seeks help—they may find that their reality doesn’t fit the model.

Even within the LGBTQIA+ community, there can be blind spots. Demisexual people may feel left out in spaces where hypersexuality is normalized. They may struggle to explain why they don’t feel the same urgency around dating or hookup culture. And when they try, they are sometimes met with the same invalidation they experience outside the community.

What’s needed is a broader lens.

Mental health professionals must be trained to recognize and validate multiple aspects of identity, not just one at a time. Support groups and community platforms must create space for nuanced voices. And most importantly, society must learn that identity is not always about visibility—it’s about complexity.

When we acknowledge this, we start seeing the full picture. Not just a demisexual person. But a demisexual woman. Or a demisexual Muslim. Or a demisexual neurodivergent teen. Each with a unique story. Each deserving of full recognition.

When to Seek Therapy: Mental Health Signs to Look For

Being demisexual in a world that often misinterprets or ignores this identity can sometimes lead to subtle but powerful emotional strain. While not everyone may need therapy, knowing when to seek professional support can make a major difference in your mental health journey.

You might not even realize how deeply the misunderstanding has impacted you until it starts affecting your daily life. The signs are often quiet, internal, and easy to brush off—especially when you’re used to feeling different from the people around you.

Some of the most common signs include:

• Persistent feelings of isolation or emotional exhaustion in dating or social spaces

• Doubting your self-worth or constantly comparing your experience to others

• Emotional discomfort or guilt after engaging in intimacy you weren’t ready for

• Anxiety around romantic expectations or pressure from family and society

• Fear of being labeled as cold, disinterested, or abnormal

• Suppressing your feelings just to “fit in”

For many demisexual individuals, the stress doesn’t come from their identity—it comes from constantly trying to justify or explain it. That ongoing need to validate who you are can drain your emotional energy and slowly impact your sense of self.

Featured Snippet Opportunity

What are signs that a demisexual person may need therapy?

Signs include feeling isolated, confused about attraction, pressured to conform, or guilty after intimacy. Therapy can offer clarity and emotional support without judgment.

Therapy helps by offering a structured, confidential space where you can unpack these experiences safely. It’s not about changing who you are—it’s about understanding your emotional landscape and learning to honor it without shame.

In India, where social pressure around marriage, gender roles, and family expectations runs deep, therapy can also help you build boundaries and confidence. An LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapist, in particular, understands these cultural contexts and can help you navigate both identity and environment.

If you’ve been feeling emotionally stuck, confused, or simply want a place to explore your identity at your own pace—therapy can be that space. There’s no perfect time to begin, only a willingness to take the first step.

Acceptance and Healing: Stories of Demisexual Empowerment

Healing starts with being seen—not just by others, but by yourself. For demisexual individuals, acceptance often begins the moment they discover there's a word for what they’ve always felt but never quite understood. That moment of recognition is powerful. It dissolves years of confusion and opens the door to self-compassion.

Take Shivangi, a 25-year-old from Nagpur. For most of her teenage years, she believed she was simply “bad at relationships.” She tried dating apps, social events, and even forced herself to go on more dates than she was comfortable with—hoping that attraction would eventually appear. “I kept thinking I had to keep pushing through it,” she shared. “But it never felt right.”

When she came across a short post explaining demisexuality, everything changed. “I felt seen. For the first time, I didn’t feel broken.” With time, she opened up to close friends, sought therapy, and even began sharing her experiences on forums to support others.

Similarly, Anmol, a 33-year-old engineer in Hyderabad, shared how understanding his demisexuality helped him rebuild a strained relationship. “My partner thought I didn’t find her attractive. She took it personally,” he said. “But once I explained what demisexuality meant, and how I connected differently, everything shifted. We started focusing on emotional closeness first—and the rest followed naturally.”

Stories like these offer hope. They remind us that clarity often leads to confidence, and confidence opens the door to healing.

Healing also involves community. Whether it's finding one person who understands, joining a supportive online space, or following affirming content, knowing you're not alone can be deeply transformative. You may not find these conversations in every household or social setting in India yet—but they are growing.

And for those who are just starting their journey, here’s something to hold onto: You do not have to justify your identity to anyone. Attraction is not a race, and connection is not one-size-fits-all. The pace at which you open up is not a flaw—it’s your rhythm. And once you learn to honor it, you’ll find the people, partners, and spaces that will honor it too.

Demisexuality is not a barrier. It's a beautiful, intentional way of relating to others—built on depth, trust, and real emotional resonance. In a world moving too fast, that kind of connection isn’t something to hide. It’s something to celebrate.

Digital Support: Resources and Safe Communities for Demisexuals

Finding the right words to describe your identity is only the first step. The next is finding people who truly understand what those words mean. In the journey of self-discovery, especially for demisexual individuals, community can make all the difference.

Offline conversations about sexual orientation can be difficult, especially in conservative or family-dominated environments. That’s where the internet becomes a lifeline. Digital spaces offer anonymity, support, and most importantly—belonging. You are no longer the only one feeling this way.

There are countless online platforms where demisexual individuals can connect, learn, and share without fear of judgment. These spaces are not just about information—they’re about validation.

You’ll find:

• Peer-led forums where people discuss real-life experiences, from dating struggles to cultural clashes

• Safe chat groups for LGBTQIA+ Indians, including those focused on asexual spectrum identities

• Pages and communities that post demisexual-friendly memes, stories, and insights—making you feel seen, even in small ways

• Mental health apps and online therapy India platforms (like Click2Pro) that offer trained, culturally sensitive professionals who understand what demisexuality is

Featured Snippet Opportunity

Where can demisexual individuals find support online?

Demisexuals can find support through LGBTQIA+ forums, peer communities, therapy platforms with inclusive professionals, and social media groups that provide safe, identity-affirming spaces.

Even Instagram pages, comment threads, and hashtags have become healing grounds. A single post that says “you’re not broken” can spark self-acceptance in ways that formal education often fails to do.

And sometimes, that’s all someone needs—a signal that they’re not alone.

If you’re exploring your identity and feel unsure where to turn, starting with a supportive digital space may be the safest and most empowering move you can make. Whether it's reading someone’s coming-out journey or chatting with a peer who’s been there, community support plays a huge role in mental wellness.

Demisexuality Is Real, and So Is the Need for Mental Health Awareness

This isn’t about labels—it’s about language that helps people feel less alone. Demisexuality may still be misunderstood by many, but that doesn’t make it any less real. It exists in quiet hearts, in slow-burning relationships, and in people who are wired to connect deeply before they desire fully. And that wiring isn’t a limitation. It’s just a different path toward closeness.

Unfortunately, what society doesn’t understand, it often pressures or dismisses. That pressure—whether subtle or loud—can weigh heavily on a demisexual person’s mental health awareness. The stress of constantly explaining, hiding, or reshaping oneself to fit other people’s timelines can lead to anxiety, confusion, and emotional fatigue.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

We have the power to create a world where sexual orientation is not judged by how fast someone feels something—but by how honestly they experience it. And that starts with awareness, empathy, and proper mental health support.

For individuals who identify as demisexual, the first and most important step is self-acceptance. You are not late. You are not broken. You are not less.

For families, friends, and partners, the next step is listening without assumptions. Let people explain their experiences in their own words. Validate, don’t label.

And for society as a whole—including educators, therapists, influencers, and community leaders—the challenge is to widen the lens. We must make space for identities that don’t always fit the usual narrative but are no less real.

Featured Snippet Opportunity

Why is awareness about demisexuality important for mental health?

Awareness helps reduce stigma, affirms identity, and supports emotional well-being. Demisexuality is valid, and recognition improves mental health outcomes by creating safe, understanding spaces.

The more we talk about this, the more room we create for healing.

You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be open to learning. And if you’re someone who identifies as demisexual, or thinks you might—know that your experience is real, your pace is valid, and your mental health matters.

At Click2Pro, we believe in compassionate, inclusive therapy that meets you where you are. Your story deserves to be told without apology, and your identity deserves to be honored—without explanation.

FAQs

1. Is demisexuality a mental disorder?

No, demisexuality is not a mental disorder.
It is a valid sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum. Demisexual individuals experience sexual attraction only after forming a deep emotional bond. Misunderstanding it as a disorder can lead to stigma and negatively impact mental health. Like any orientation, demisexuality is simply one of the many ways people experience connection and attraction.

2. What are the signs that someone might be demisexual?

While everyone experiences relationships differently, some common signs of demisexuality include:

• Not feeling sexual attraction without emotional intimacy

• Discomfort with hookup culture or casual dating

• Confusion about not having “crushes” quickly like peers

• Often needing emotional safety before intimacy feels right
  These signs reflect a unique pace and depth in emotional connection, not a dysfunction.

3. Is demisexuality caused by trauma or fear of intimacy?

No, demisexuality is not caused by trauma or fear.
It is an innate orientation—not a result of past experiences or psychological defense mechanisms. While some people with trauma histories may also need emotional safety, that does not define or cause demisexuality. It is important not to confuse identity with coping patterns.

4. Can demisexual people have fulfilling relationships?

Absolutely. In fact, many demisexual individuals form deeply meaningful and emotionally connected relationships. Since emotional bonding is central to their attraction, their relationships often prioritize trust, communication, and authenticity. With understanding and patience from partners, demisexual relationships can be exceptionally strong and healthy.

5. Is demisexuality part of the LGBTQIA+ community?

Yes. Demisexuality is considered part of the asexual spectrum and is recognized within the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. While experiences vary, demisexual individuals often face unique social and emotional challenges that align with those of other sexual minorities, which is why inclusive support is essential.

6. Where can demisexual people find mental health support in India?

In India, platforms like Click2Pro provide access to LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapists who are trained to understand nuanced orientations like demisexuality. Seeking support from culturally competent professionals can help reduce confusion, emotional stress, and identity-related anxiety.

7. How do I support a demisexual friend or partner?

Support begins with understanding and patience.

• Don’t pressure them into physical intimacy

• Listen to how they experience connection

• Don’t dismiss or downplay their identity as “just a phase”

• Be open to learning and growing with them
  Most importantly, let them define what attraction and intimacy mean to them—without judgment.

About the Author

Naincy Priya is a seasoned Clinical Psychologist (Associate) with over five years of experience in the field of mental health. Her expertise encompasses a broad spectrum of psychological concerns, including anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and trauma-related issues. Naincy is proficient in various therapeutic modalities such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Narrative Therapy, Motivational Enhancement Therapy (MET), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and family and marital therapy.

Beyond her clinical practice, Naincy is deeply committed to mental health advocacy and education. She has contributed to research in the field, with publications exploring the relationships between resilience, psychological well-being, and social conformity among students. Her approach to therapy is rooted in empathy and evidence-based practices, aiming to create a safe and supportive environment for clients to explore their challenges and work towards personal growth and resilience.

Nancy's dedication to mental health extends to her role at Click2Pro, where she serves as a Senior Psychologist. In this capacity, she provides comprehensive mental health support, specializing in areas such as maternal mental health and relationship counselling. Her holistic approach empowers clients to understand their emotions, improve communication, and build lasting connections.

Through her multifaceted work, Naincy Priya continues to make significant contributions to the field of mental health, advocating for awareness, understanding, and compassionate care.